In the world of transformative coaching, the pursuit of change often feels like the ultimate goal.
Clients arrive eager to shift patterns, achieve new milestones, and become better versions of themselves. Coaches, too, are driven by the desire to support and guide these transformations.
But what if the most profound changes don’t come from striving to be different, but from fully accepting who and where we are right now?
This is the essence of Arnold Beisser’s Paradoxical Theory of Change—a concept rooted in Gestalt therapy that has profound implications for coaching.
In this article, we’ll explore what the paradoxical theory of change really means, why it’s relevant to transformative coaching, and how we can use it to foster deep, authentic shifts in our clients.
What Is the Paradoxical Theory of Change?
The paradoxical theory of change, first articulated by Arnold Beisser, suggests that genuine change doesn’t occur by striving to be something we are not. Instead, change happens when we fully accept who we are in the present moment.
Beisser summarised the concept as follows:
“Change occurs when one becomes what they are, not when they try to become what they are not.”
Key aspects of the theory include:
Embracing the Present: Change arises from fully inhabiting the current moment, rather than rejecting or resisting it.
Self-Acceptance: Authentic transformation begins with accepting ourselves as we are, without judgment or the compulsion to “fix” ourselves.
Letting Go of Striving: Paradoxically, the harder we push to force change, the more we reinforce resistance. When we stop striving, we create space for natural shifts to occur.
Why Does the Paradoxical Theory of Change Matter in Coaching?
In coaching, clients often arrive feeling stuck, dissatisfied, or eager to change something about themselves or their circumstances.
While the desire for change is a natural motivator, an overemphasis on striving for a future state can create tension, frustration, and resistance.
The paradoxical theory of change offers a powerful reframe: rather than focusing on what the client “should” be, it encourages exploration and acceptance of who they are.
This approach aligns beautifully with the principles of transformative coaching, which prioritise self-awareness, authenticity, and deep, sustainable shifts.
1. It Reduces Resistance
Striving for change can create internal resistance, as clients may feel overwhelmed by expectations or judged for their current state. Emphasising acceptance reduces this tension, making space for exploration and curiosity.
2. It Builds Self-Awareness
When clients fully engage with their present experience, they gain deeper insights into their patterns, beliefs, and behaviours. This awareness is the foundation for authentic transformation.
3. It Fosters Self-Compassion
The paradoxical theory of change invites clients to let go of self-criticism and embrace self-compassion. By accepting themselves as they are, they create a nurturing environment for growth.
Applying the Paradoxical Theory of Change in Coaching
1. Start with Radical Acceptance
Encourage clients to explore and accept their current reality without judgment.
This might involve:
Reflecting on their emotions: “What’s happening for you right now? Can we name it without needing to change it?”
Normalising their experience: “It’s okay to feel stuck—let’s take a closer look at what this moment is teaching you.”
Acceptance doesn’t mean passivity; it’s about acknowledging what is present before moving toward what could be.
2. Explore What’s Beneath the Striving
When clients express a strong desire to change, help them explore the motivations and beliefs behind this striving.
Questions might include:
“What’s driving this desire for change?”
“What would happen if you allowed yourself to stay with where you are for a moment?”
By exploring these drivers, clients often uncover deeper fears, values, or unmet needs that hold the key to transformation.
3. Invite Clients to Stay with Discomfort
The paradoxical theory of change challenges the urge to escape discomfort by “fixing” it. Instead, coaches can help clients stay present with difficult emotions or situations, allowing insights to emerge naturally. For example:
A client anxious about a career decision might be invited to explore their fear rather than avoid it, uncovering hidden values or desires that clarify their path forward.
4. Reflect the Client’s Current Reality
As a coach, mirror what you observe about the client’s present state—physically, emotionally, or relationally. This might sound like:
“I notice you seem hesitant—what’s happening for you in this moment?”
“You mentioned feeling torn. Can we explore both sides of that feeling without needing to resolve it right now?”
This reflection helps clients deepen their awareness and connect more fully with their experience.
5. Trust the Client’s Process
The paradoxical theory of change asks us to trust the client’s innate capacity for growth. Rather than pushing for solutions, hold space for the client’s process to unfold at its own pace.
Challenges Coaches May Face with This Approach
1. The Pressure to “Solve” Problems
Coaches may feel compelled to guide clients toward quick solutions or visible progress. The paradoxical approach requires patience and trust, which can feel counterintuitive in a results-driven culture.
2. Discomfort with Stagnation
Both coach and client may feel uneasy sitting with “what is,” particularly if there’s no immediate clarity or action. Learning to tolerate this discomfort is essential for deeper transformation.
3. Clients’ Expectations for Action
Some clients may expect coaching to be action-oriented and solutions-focused. Introducing the paradoxical theory of change requires clear communication about the value of exploring and accepting the present moment as a foundation for meaningful progress.
The Transformative Power of the Paradox
The paradoxical theory of change is not about abandoning goals or dismissing the desire for growth. Instead, it’s about recognising that change happens most profoundly when we stop resisting where we are.
For clients, this approach can be liberating. It removes the pressure to “fix” themselves and replaces it with curiosity, compassion, and self-awareness. For coaches, it’s a reminder that transformation is not something we impose but something we facilitate by holding space for the client’s authentic process.
Conclusion: Embracing the Paradox of Change in Coaching
Arnold Beisser’s paradoxical theory of change offers a profound lesson for transformative coaching: to create meaningful change, we must first accept the present moment.
By helping clients embrace their current reality, coaches unlock the deeper insights and shifts that arise naturally from awareness and self-compassion.
In a culture that often prioritises striving over being, this approach is a powerful antidote—an invitation to slow down, tune in, and trust the process of transformation.
True change, Beisser tells us, begins not with becoming something else, but with fully embracing who we already are.
Nick is the founder and CEO of Animas Centre for Coaching and the International Centre for Coaching Supervision. Nick is an existentially oriented coach and supervisor with a passion for the ideas, principles and philosophy that sits behind coaching.